Musings of a Military Wife

This is something that I never wanted and something I didn't think would happen. I was proud and supported others who had to go through this journey, but here I am a military wife.

The nights are cold, the house silent, my heart lonely beyond words. My best friend is gone for months on end. He is the one I want to share everything with. It doesn't matter that my life seems incredibly boring. I would share a million boring days with the love of my life.

Don't get me wrong I am insanely proud of him, of his decision to serve, to fight, to defend. I wouldn't ask him to change his decision for anything in the world. I tell myself that millions of people have gone through what I am going through and most of the time to a worse degree.

 Imagine a few years ago when we didn't have cell phones on our persons all the time. If they called and we weren't home they had to leave a message on the machine and hope to talk to you in person sometime later. Or even a few more years back when it was only letters you were allowed to send and you didn't hear from them for months on end then have maybe 3-7 letters all at once. There was even the possibility of having mail getting lost in transition and you just wouldn't hear from them. Or how about in ancient times when there was no mail. All you could ever do was pray to God for their safe return, sometimes not seeing them for 10 years.

Yes I don't have it as bad as some, and for the most part I feel like I do well. But the nights are the worse part. I come home to a dark, empty house. Unfortunately I feel like a little girl, I become very afraid of the dark, lock all my doors (even my bedroom door) when I finally feel tired enough to know I'll just fall asleep instead of laying awake thinking about things. I knew it would be hard, but you are never tested above that which you are able right? I just didn't know it would be this hard.

Before he left we shared a scripture together. I cried when we read it then and I cry about it now but I know it to be true then and now Alma 43:45-47
 "45 Nevertheless, the Nephites were inspired by a better cause, for they were not fighting for the monarchy nor power but they were fighting for their homes and their liberties, their wives and their children, and their all, yea, for their rights of worship and their church.
46 And they were doing that which they felt was the duty which they owed to their God; for the Lord had said unto them, and also unto their fathers, that: Insasmuch as ye are not guilty of the first offense, neither the second, ye shall  not suffer yourselves to be slain by the hands of your enemies.  47 And again, the Lord has said that: Ye shall defend your families even unto bloodshed. Therefore for this cause were the Nephites contending with the Lamanites, to defend their families, and their lands, their country, and their rights, and their religion.

I know our soldiers are fighting for our liberty, for our freedom, for our rights of worship, for our families. It doesn't make it any less hard, but it gives me courage to fight the unseen battles and it gives me a light in the darkest night. This is nothing I ever wanted, but I am proud and I stand resolutely and firm in my faith that my Heavenly Father will protect him and me. He will give us the courage to see it through another day, the strength we need to perform the tasks that are required of us, the love of Him and our spouse when we feel completely alone, and He will give us guardian angels to protect our homes and to protect us individually.

Nothing I ever wanted, but everything that I need to become a better person and a better wife.